Reflections

You look in a mirror, a puddle of water, or even the screen of your television and you see exactly what is right in front of you. Yourself. Its easy because we know it will always be there when we go to take a picture of ourselves or go to brush your teeth in the sink. You'll be there. I wish it was this easy for everything in life to see things as they are and have it be right in front of you, but no. Life likes to throw us challenges and curve balls to see how much you can handle all at once. Maybe you'll succeed and reach that ultimate goal or you could always crumble at the sight of a new challenge or adventure. I will not crumble any longer.

As I sit here at the last hour of Christmas I thought it appropriate to write my thoughts on a year of incredible experiences and changes that I have been able to experience, not only in the past year have things done a 360 degree change on me but even in the past weeks has my life been altered forever.

Last year at Christmas I was ungrateful for that I didn't get my laptop that I "needed",when i look back now and see how ungrateful and selfish i was because i could have not had a Christmas at all this year. Its funny how meaningless objects can now become once you know what having so little really feels like. After christmas my life was changed dramatically and thats where my roller coaster started.

I've meant some incredible people and lost some even more amazing people this past year. You get so close to someone that they become a permanent part in your heart no matter how hard you want to hide and cover that special spot, but even with time it doesn't go away, it never will, it just gets easier. And on a day like today you can't help but want to be with those amazing people, but know its for the better to just move on in anyway possible. You also lose people unexpectedly and don't ever have the chance to say goodbye. ( i love you astra)  Then there are the people that you know are always going to be there no matter what kind of circumstance, family. I know i don't appreciate mine as much as i should, but they are there for me always. We fight, we're different, and we don't have the same beliefs but in the end their there. Now i have a new few special people in my life i can add to the word family. In Cedar i have never felt more love from others that i have only known a few short months, they let me be who i am and don't ever let me shy away from that. They make me stronger because their struggles are now mine as well. We get through things together like a real biological family should. When its our best days or our worst days like perhaps running out of gas on a hill or work and school getting too stressful, they are always there to hold you up.

This is also a time i feel to look at what we want to happen in the future, we all have these great ambitions in life to get out there and do amazing things. But i know now that i can have a year for myself nobody else but me. I want to go on adventures and live out my dreams before i get to old or caught up in the hustle and bustle in life or get stuck always saving money but not ever having anything to do with it in the end. Why not go on a random trip? Why can't i open a coffee shop? Why not go backpacking through europe? Why can't i just get up and go? I don't want a life that i can't say that i did the things i love when i had the chance, life is an adventure all in itself and i am so ready for an amazingly ass kicking wonderful year to happen just for me!

Don't take this time for granted.

Over the past week I've been able to reflect on a lot of things in this life. A week ago today we lost a beautiful, strong, funny, and inspirational person. Astra Lauren Waller lost her battle to Cystic Fibrosis at the age of 20. Stra bird was such an amazing person and so many looked up to her for multiple reasons. We got to celebrate her memory and life during this week, it was so amazing to see so many old friends and team mates. As the funeral ended and we all parted ways I thought to myself "Why do we take the things in life we have for granted?"

Getting to see all these old friends made me think why don't we keep in touch? We all live still in the same state and not to far from each other and these are the circumstances we have to see one another in? I don't want to regret a single thing in this life. We never know when the last time we will see someone or have the opportunity to do something life changing.

All of the fighting and pettiness is not worth it. Staying indoors and doing nothing is not worth it. Holding grudges is not worth it. Friends are always there for you, no matter how long its been since you've talked. But if you have the chance to be with them and talk. Don't take it for granted. 

Astra taught me one thing that I won't ever forget. We were in the hospital room one visit and we were having a chat with Jamie too of course, and I was having a rough time, not sure about what but i know they were asking me about school and life, just catching up. Then Jamie said you gotta look at the glass half full, and i disagreed saying it was half empty... I looked over at Astra and there she was just content in her hospital bed. Never again can i look at the glass half empty.

So its been awhile...

I can't even remember the last time I even wrote a post on my blog, so it looks like this is going to be an update of my life!

School has started and is now in full swing, I'm still a Graphic Design major and now have decided to minor in dance and possibly double minor with Marketing (weird combination I know).Its frustrating to find some motivation because i'm only allowed to take 14 credits, Stupid SUU, but hey it will be ok in the end.

Lots of things have happened to put my priorities in check, no longer am I going to be sad over things i can't control. Life is too short to not be having fun while I'm in college, I can grow up later!! I still havn't been able to find a job in the good ol C-city, but I have a feeling the right job will come my way sooner or later, lets hope sooner than later though...

Since this new year has started i have met some amazing people! Positive amazing people, that keep me happy and on track. These are the people that i need in my life right now and you guys know exactly who you are! And my family is a great support more than ever, my parents have my back and i am so grateful for them. They would put their lives on hold for me, and in fact they did just a few weeks back. I was having such a hard time with moving on and holding grudges i felt i needed a blessing. (And if you know me at all you should know being religious isnt really my thing.) Well they came in the middle of the night even though they both had to work in the morning to meet me half way across Utah just to give me some good advice and a blessing from my father. I couldn't ask for greater parents, they do so much for me and i am so greatful!


 Well this is all for now, Lets hope this time it doesn't take me over a month to update my life!

I've got friends in low places.

change  (chnj)

v. changed, chang·ing, chang·es

v.tr.

1.

a. To cause to be different: change the spelling of a word.

b. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform: changed the yard into a garden.

2. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: change places.

3. To exchange for or replace with another, usually of the same kind or category: change one's name; a light that changes colors.

4.

a. To lay aside, abandon, or leave for another; switch: change methods; change sides.

b. To transfer from (one conveyance) to another: change planes.

5. To give or receive the equivalent of (money) in lower denominations or in foreign currency.

6. To put a fresh covering on: change a bed; change the baby.

v.intr.
  
Why do we change? Why do people change? and why do things have to be changed? These are just questions that have consistently been on my mind....

I've been doing better and getting grips to real life and the people that are in this world. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm working now at an environment called "Convergys". If anyone knows about this company, you know my frustrations, Its a job and i need money so this is where the wind has blown me to. I am getting to the point of no return tho... maybe the next best thing is Stripper?? (Im kidding mom, dont shit a brick) But lately i am sick of hearing about all the things i'm doing wrong instead of any positive feedback. Right now in my life i need some positive, and yet i still have not been able to dig any up.

Change is what i'm looking for i guess, new hairstyle is about to kick in in a week, hoping this will help. But what i'm mainly looking forward to is the fact i may be moving back home, ( yes something i thought that i would never do!) but it may be the best decision for me, i moved down here to get away from people and situations but i am back where i started in those cruddy circumstances. My mom calls it running away.

i agree with her.

i believe that running away will solve my problems and i wont ever have to think of them again, so far, its worked. So maybe this is what i need to do.

Pace e amore sia con te

For once i'm thinking about me.

Life is funny, it likes to play games with your head and then turn right back around and stab you in the back. You think since its your life and your the one controlling it, you won't get hurt or be lied to. Well that's just another lie. You let someone into your life after so much shit has already happened thinking that this time you won't get hurt. Wrong again. Not once during my collegiate career have i done something just for me. I went to SUU to get away from others who had just hurt me, when i got to SUU i joined Alpha Phi cause i thought i would find "true friends", no such thing. I tried really hard to get good grades and succeed, only to be shot down once again by the school which is supposed to be giving me a higher education. I thought I found someone who really meant something, i was just proved wrong once again. Now im alone in cedar again doing nothing with my life working for what?

I'm sick of being let down by everything that i think is a good opportunity for me. Now i'm back where i started not giving a shit about what happens. Well for once i'm doing what i want with my life how i want it because i said so. No more trying to make anyone else feel happy or making sure their okay. I can't please everyone so i'm making myself happy.

One thing i have always wanted to do was go and live in Italy, learn Italian, and just get away from it all. Well i'm doing it. I am applying for a study abroad to John Cabot University in Rome Italy, it would be an opportunity of a life time for me, and i could study and really get away from it all and travel just for me.

Next on my list is getting my tattoo i have always wanted, i stopped wanting it for someone else and thats not fair to myself. Going through everything all over again just makes more sense for me to get it and i want it so i'm doing it. " I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure, i make mistakes, i am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Suck on this SUU.

To Whom It May Concern:

            My name is Molly Anopol, I am currently a residing Freshman at Southern Utah University, this is until I received an email stating that I am now “Suspended from Financial Aid” due to the fact my GPA is below a 2.0. I am writing this letter in order to appeal that suspension so I may return to Southern Utah University in the fall of 2011 with the ability to pay my tuitions and other fees with my Financial Aid Awards.

            I feel in order to have any one understand my situation I should therefore inform them of the facts of my life. These are not excuses, nor do I want to be looked upon as if I am trying to make it easier for myself.

School has never been an easy thing for me, I have always struggled in order to get just the decent grades, and for me that was good enough because it meant that I would be doing my best to show I was normal and could retain and use as much information as the other kids. In grade five my teacher discussed with my parents something might be wrong with my learning abilities, this is when I was tested for Dyslexia, which is defined as a learning disability that impairs ones fluency and comprehension accuracy. I was diagnosed as a level 3. In most cases this is a very low form and therefor a good thing. Throughout grade six to my graduating of high school in 2010 I was then placed on 504, which is a paper stating my disability and giving me extra help whenever it was needed. I never once used that 504 to my advantage due to the fact I thought it was just making me even more different than the other kids, and I knew I could do it on my own. Thus I graduated from high school with a 3.5 overall GPA.

My senior year of high school I came upon another problem which made me face yet another debilitating asset of my life, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, level 4. At Level 5 is stated the severest form, which in most cases not found until the patient has committed suicide. This is one more fact that I have dealt with to overcome; I am on an anti depressant called Fluoxetine, a generic form of Prozac, which helps me cope with day-to-day life.

I would not be opening up the past of my life to complete strangers if this was not an important matter to me, you may think that because I have not accumulated a higher GPA in my first year of college that I am not taking my education seriously, but in fact I am, due to the fact of all my struggles I have had to overcome, I am doing extremely well when I look at all of the odds fighting against me.

My first semester at Southern Utah University was a big change for me and I know my grades suffered and therefore put me off track of my long-term goals. I failed two classes, and in the classes I did not, I didn’t get good grades. My second semester was a completely different situation, and you cannot deny that, I changed and came out with a 2.67 GPA at the end of term. Which shows a major progress in anyone’s eyes.

I was enrolled in Summer 2011 classes because I knew I needed to get myself back on track, to reach my goals of graduating with a degree in Graphic Design and a minor in Dance. But since I have received this email, I was forced to withdraw due to the fact my family cannot afford for me to take classes without Financial Aid, since this past spring my parents were forced to file bankruptcy.

I know that I am better than a 1.97 GPA student, this is currently my accumulative GPA at the moment, which is why I am begging you and pleading with you to over ride my suspension of Financial Aid. I am currently three points away from being eligible to have financial aid; I am so close yet so far away from meeting those standards. I am doing better and better each semester as I move on throughout my collegiate career, and I know that if I had the chance to come back in the fall with my financial aid I could and would do even better, because I know that I have the will power to overcome yet another obstacle in my life.

I thank you for your time and listening to my plea, I hope to hear from you with, hopefully in my case, good news.

Sincerely with highest regards,

Molly Anopol

A summer to remember?

As the first week of my summer comes to an end i have a strong feeling that i am going to get to know myself a lot better. I have a lot of time on my hands... more than i know what to do with.

Candyse and i have moved in to a new apartment together and are absolutely having the best time getting to decorate our new little home, coming up with new arts and crafts to keep us busy.. but unfortunately that didn't last long.

Just in this first week i have found that 1. I hate being alone 2. there is only so much t.v. you can watch 3. finding a job in such a small community... not so easy. The one reason i stay down in Cedar City is to find a job, and take summer classes, well i seem to have struck out. My class gets cancelled and no way am i near finding a job.And it seems that the only thing that is really keeping me here is that i am only a hundred miles away from the one i really want here right now, and come to find out i most likely won't be seeing him for a long time. So it looks as if my new best friends are t.v and book. Yay me!

I figure since i may be at the lowest of low i can only go up from here right?