You look in a mirror, a puddle of water, or even the screen of your television and you see exactly what is right in front of you. Yourself. Its easy because we know it will always be there when we go to take a picture of ourselves or go to brush your teeth in the sink. You'll be there. I wish it was this easy for everything in life to see things as they are and have it be right in front of you, but no. Life likes to throw us challenges and curve balls to see how much you can handle all at once. Maybe you'll succeed and reach that ultimate goal or you could always crumble at the sight of a new challenge or adventure. I will not crumble any longer.
As I sit here at the last hour of Christmas I thought it appropriate to write my thoughts on a year of incredible experiences and changes that I have been able to experience, not only in the past year have things done a 360 degree change on me but even in the past weeks has my life been altered forever.
Last year at Christmas I was ungrateful for that I didn't get my laptop that I "needed",when i look back now and see how ungrateful and selfish i was because i could have not had a Christmas at all this year. Its funny how meaningless objects can now become once you know what having so little really feels like. After christmas my life was changed dramatically and thats where my roller coaster started.
I've meant some incredible people and lost some even more amazing people this past year. You get so close to someone that they become a permanent part in your heart no matter how hard you want to hide and cover that special spot, but even with time it doesn't go away, it never will, it just gets easier. And on a day like today you can't help but want to be with those amazing people, but know its for the better to just move on in anyway possible. You also lose people unexpectedly and don't ever have the chance to say goodbye. ( i love you astra) Then there are the people that you know are always going to be there no matter what kind of circumstance, family. I know i don't appreciate mine as much as i should, but they are there for me always. We fight, we're different, and we don't have the same beliefs but in the end their there. Now i have a new few special people in my life i can add to the word family. In Cedar i have never felt more love from others that i have only known a few short months, they let me be who i am and don't ever let me shy away from that. They make me stronger because their struggles are now mine as well. We get through things together like a real biological family should. When its our best days or our worst days like perhaps running out of gas on a hill or work and school getting too stressful, they are always there to hold you up.
This is also a time i feel to look at what we want to happen in the future, we all have these great ambitions in life to get out there and do amazing things. But i know now that i can have a year for myself nobody else but me. I want to go on adventures and live out my dreams before i get to old or caught up in the hustle and bustle in life or get stuck always saving money but not ever having anything to do with it in the end. Why not go on a random trip? Why can't i open a coffee shop? Why not go backpacking through europe? Why can't i just get up and go? I don't want a life that i can't say that i did the things i love when i had the chance, life is an adventure all in itself and i am so ready for an amazingly ass kicking wonderful year to happen just for me!
